"Its a cultural thing"

I never thought of myself as someone who had good self control, until today.

In fact today, I found out I have incredible self control.

Getting a blood test done, the African nurse asked me the dreaded "how many children do you have?" Question, to which I responded as a blubbering mess "I have 6 year old girl and my little boy passed away recently" I turned my head and continued to cry.

I told her her Archer had passed away because I was crying as soon as she asked the question and I did not want her to think I was a weirdo. If someone asks me how many children I have, Archer is always included in the response, it's just how I react to the question that changes.

She then proceeded to say to me in a nonchalant way "Oh well you can have another one, you are still young"

Just let that line sink in for a little bit.

She continued the test, finished up and started writing my details down all while I continued to cry what were now uncontrollable, I can't breathe, tears.

I leant into her and said "Can I tell you something?" She said yes nervously, looking me in the eye. "If someone tells you they have lost a child, don't ever say to them oh well you can have another one. He was 1. He was a little boy"

She responded with "I'm sorry, it's a cultural thing"

I drove home hysterical, repeating the words "it's a cultural thing?" Out loud over and over again like a fucking crazy person. Just like the time I got my dogs toenails clipped and it cost me $30. I drove home saying "THIRTY DOLLARS?" Over and over again.

I guess it's a thing I do when I simply cannot believe something has just happened.

Anyway, today I learnt 2 things...

1. Whatever culture thinks it's ever OK to say to someone "Oh well you can have another one" after their child dies, I do not want any part of.

2. I have INCREDIBLE self restraint because i didn't punch her in the face, stab her in the eye with a syringe and strangle her with her own fucking tourniquet, even though I really wanted to.

So to you, Miss cultural nurse, even though I want to say a big fat fuck you, I will say "that's ok and you are forgiven" because my little boy should bring out the best in me, not the worst.

It's a cultural thing.